


Birthdays

by eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Oops, Straight Angst, i got sad about eren's birthday and then i did the word thing, this isn't even anything it's just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 21:10:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1579646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar/pseuds/eeeeeeeeeerenjaegar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”A little more time,” he breathed to no one in particular. “I need a little more time.”</p><p>     But he wouldn't get this time. Time did not slow for him, it never did, and even when he unplugged his clock in some fit of fear and anxiety, it did not stop. The sun would still rise, the moon would still sink, and the date would always change to the 30th. The 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th—</p><p>     11:56 PM.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthdays

**Author's Note:**

> uh hi friends! i guess i wrote this thing for eren's birthday because this is kind of what i imagine him going through on his birthday every year. just kinda really awful emotional torment for him i guess. anyway here's wonderwall

March 29th. 11:34 PM.

Eren Jaeger is awake. He is awake, and he is in bed staring at his clock because he hopes that by staring, the tightness in his chest will leave him and allow him to sleep. He hopes the the small PM in the corner of his clock will flick to AM, and that light will return to the street outside and flush away the darkness and tear down the stars, bringing with it birds and other animals that awaken only during times of light.

He looks away from the clock. He can’t watch the numbers click closer, and closer, and closer. He swallows thickly, looking back to his nightstand where a picture, turned on its frame away from the eyes of those who may enter is placed. He takes it, picking it up and sitting upright in his bed. Within the confines of a small, silver frame, there is a woman Eren doesn't like to look at most of the time.

That woman is his mother.

Today - or rather tomorrow - will mark nearly six years since her passing. Six years since nightmares began, six years since his father grew a disdain for him. Six years since he’d been really happy. Eren stared at the picture longingly, remembering every birthday for the past six years. Every birthday list, every party (or lack thereof), every morning he’d woken up to realize that it was, in fact, his birthday. Every night he cried, every birthday he had to wish himself a happy one. Because there was no one to do it for him.

11:40 PM.

It grew closer, and Eren could feel it. His heart gave a painful wrench, and his stomach flipped. Only twenty minutes. That was ten minutes, twice. He slept not, because he knew that if he did, she would appear. Her smile, her laugh, the things that made his mother herself. Her scolding, everything she had would come back and then before he knew it, he would wake in a crunched car, arms stinging from unseen glass. There would be blood on his clothes, on his face, in his hair and it would cake the beaten dashboard. His mother’s body would be bent over the steering wheel, and her driver’s side would be not black, but red.

He would've looked down to find that the airbag had been deterred. And he would scream, because it would then hit him his mother had protected his life in exchange for hers.

Eren recalled the dreams of years, weeks, days past, and suddenly his stomach gave a violent lurch. He covered his mouth quickly, unsure if he would vomit or cry, and he realized he would more likely end up doing both, just like he did every year. Happy birthday, baby boy.

11:55 PM.

Time was passing quickly, and Eren’s green eyes widened substantially— No. No, there was five minutes, why was time passing so quickly, why wouldn’t it slow down?

  
”A little more time,” he breathed to no one in particular. “I need a little more time.”

But he wouldn’t get this time. Time did not slow for him, it never did, and even when he unplugged his clock in some fit of fear and anxiety, it did not stop. The sun would still rise, the moon would still sink, and the date would always change to the 30th. The 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th the 30th—

11:56 PM.

Eren felt his fear spike, his stomach clench and his hand remained locked against his lips, because he knew that if they moved he would be sick with anxiety and horror. He breathed, fingers parting just barely to allow room for oxygen to slip through, trying to calm the rapid heart along with his uneasy stomach and mind.

The brunet boy looked down at his moonlight-soaked bedsheets, back to his clock and back again to the picture of his mother.

Maybe this year, he’d get all the items on his list.  
Mom.  
Mom.  
Mom.  
Mom.  
Mom.  
Mom, back and alive.  
Mom, proud of me.  
Mom, uninjured.  
Mom, home.

It was a long list, but Eren didn’t consider himself greedy. Just a dreamer.

But, hey.  
Miracles happen.

When Eren glances back at his clock, the time is 12:00 AM.  
12:00 AM.  
12:00 AM. March 30th. 2014.

”Happy birthday, Eren,” the child of sixteen whispers to himself through tears. “Happy birthday, my son, I am so, so proud of you,” he says again, this time thicker and shakier than the last. “Look at you, grown up and sixteen. Shouldn't you have a car all to yourself by now?” he asks, the frame in hand too shaky and blurred by tears to be recognizable. “No,” he answers his own question. “I've no one to teach me.”

Eren can’t finish his own - what are they, thoughts? Wishes? Dreams? Either way, he can’t finish them. He drops the frame when he has half a mind to throw it, but he drops it on his bed so it doesn't break. He buries his face in his hands, and he cries. He cries for the first time in ages, and they aren’t just small tears. They’re sobs, choked noises that Eren can make only at this hour on this day.

When Eren is done crying for the moment, it is only 12:23 AM.

His eyes well up once more, and he is undone.


End file.
